Change My Life! » Better Life

Feel Like A Loser? How To Make Yourself Feel Better!

Steve — Mon, 23 May 2011 05:18:27 +0000

I just read an article about how to make yourself feel better. One of the things it listed was to take something off your list of things to do. It didn’t say to complete the job and take it off, it just said take it off. Be less obligated and you’ll feel better.

I know what they were saying, but I want to disagree a bit.

You know what makes my day, what makes me feel good about myself and the world around me? Getting something done. That’s right! When I’m productive, I’m happy. When I sit on my butt, I become depressed.

We are all different!

What that other article said might very well work for you and if you are the type to overextend yourself, take on too much, then their advice is probably right. However, it seems to me that many of us suffer from a combination of overextending and underwhelming performance.

I always have a list of things to do, but I find that I often don’t get many of them done. I plan, I dream, I think of ways to start, but the start doesn’t come. The result of that is I become bummed out, depressed, that I didn’t do what I said I was going to do. Even if I’m the only one who knows, I know.

But the list is so damned long!

I know. Just pick one thing. Make it a small thing. Get it done. Maybe it is something as simple as taking out the trash. Just do it! Now, it’s done and you can feel good about yourself because you did something. Now, pick another one and do that. You see where I’m going!

You pick one thing, not all of them, not most of them, you pick one thing and you do it. Once it’s done, it’s done, and you can go on. In no time, the list is much shorter than it was.

We have heard a lot about multi-tasking. I think that’s garbage. You can’t even think clearly about more than one thing at a time. Your mind can jump back and forth between things, but it can only do one. If you try to do two, three, or twenty things at the same time, I can almost guarantee you that none of them will be done to the level you are capable of if you just did one.

We are meant to be productive. You will feel better the more productive you are. Take something from the list? I agree, get it done and take it off!

Would You Like To Be Proud?

Steve — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 14:59:49 +0000

Back in the 70’s, (yeah I know, ancient history) there was a group called Argent. They had a song called “Hold Your Head Up.” The song was not what I would call deep, but it was profound! It was about being proud and making your way in the world.

Would you like to be proud and make your way in the world?

I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t want this. If they say they don’t, then they have more problems than most other people. We want to be proud of ourselves and what we do. We want to make a difference!

Then why don’t we?

One of the biggest reasons we don’t is because we have been conditioned, programmed, to think we have no right to be proud or to do something special in this life. “Pride comes before a fall,” is the old saying from the bible. The problem with this is that it is taken to mean we should never have pride in who we are and what we do. That isn’t it at all!

Pride, like anything else, can be abused, and this is what that bible verse was talking about. That doesn’t mean we should never have pride in ourselves or the things we do. We should! We should feel pride in our work and in our lives. If we don’t, what does that say.

So how do I change from not being proud to having pride?

I think the song gives us a clue. Hold you head up. In fact, stand up straight, hold your head up, and look like you’re proud of yourself and what you do.

I love to people watch. When my wife cajoles me into going to a mall, I usually beg off and sit somewhere while she shops. I love to watch the people parade walk by. It always impresses me when someone walks by with their shoulders back and their head held high. They may be a quivering mass of jello inside, but outside they look like they have the world by the tail.

I know you have heard the axiom, “Fake it ‘til you make it.” I don’t believe in that whole heartedly, but in this instance, I do. Try it out. Next time you’re out and about stand up tall, throw your shoulders back and hold you head up. See if you don’t instantaneously feel better about yourself and the world.

Being proud and making your way in the world takes some real work, but this one simple step can make a huge difference. It works so fast you might even think it’s magic!

Who Are You Really

Steve — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 16:39:16 +0000

Who are you really? I just had an interesting experience. I was at a concert and I was confronted with the realization that, of the many roles I have, I like one much more than the other. It led me to think about who am I really. Who are you really?

So many times you get into some mold or other and think that you are the person who has been made to fit into that role. In reality, that role may not fit you at all. You have had to struggle to fit into it and part seem to seep out every now and again.

At some point in your life you find that the mold is really quite uncomfortable. You feel a deep sense of imprisonment. You want nothing more than to break free of that mold, that prison that you have been living in.

What brings you joy?

One of the first steps you can use in learning who you really are is to find what brings you joy. Perhaps it is doing something with your hands, you like to build or create. Maybe it is something mental. You like to learn to help others to learn. Whatever it is, find the thing or things that bring you joy. It can help you learn who you really are.

What are you good at?

This one seems easy, but you might be surprised how many people are good at one thing, but do something quite different. What are you good at? Are you good at talking with other people? Are you a good listener? Are you good at baking cookies? I’m not asking what you are good at that is a socially acceptable career, I’m asking what you are good at, period.

What are your dreams?

If you suddenly had all the money you could ever want, what would you do? I would spend my time writing and playing music. Through those two mediums, I would make the lives of others better. What would you do? Would you grow things, having the biggest garden in four counties? Would you make jewelry made from beach glass? What would it be. When you listen to your dreams, it can give you major clues to being who you really are.

The things I have mentioned so far are mostly artsy fartsy types of things. A musician, a writer, a gardener, an artist, those things are not what most people think of as a career. If you dream about running a major corporation or building a successful business, those are viable things too. It seems that in today’s world many people want to tell you that you should chuck the whole professional path and travel the world collecting seashells. If that is who you really are then fine. If being the CEO of a major international corporation is what you want, then go for it.

Don’t be locked into being what others want you to be. Don’t lock yourself into a life that does not make you happy.

But isn’t that being irresponsible?

You can look at this two different ways. If you take the world’s way of looking at life, then collecting beach glass for jewelry will be irresponsible. It isn’t going to make much money and probably won’t support your family. In this view you need to either come up with something that makes more money or do your collecting when you get home from work.

The second way to look at this is that you are created to be something unique. No one will collect beach glass like you. You will brighten the world with your beach glass jewelry. You were created to do it and if you don’t, the world is a little less bright.

Either way is not one hundred percent right. Neither is one hundred percent wrong. If you are going to have a family or support someone else, then you either have to have one hell of a beach glass jewelry business or work at something else along with collecting beach glass.

The world is a hard place. It doesn’t suffer fools well who think they can wish the life they want into existence, but it doesn’t give you a second chance to be who you really are either. You must make choices. You must decide what is important and then grasp whatever that is in both hands!

Who are you really?

Live is to be Lived

Steve — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 19:26:08 +0000

This past weekend was wonderful. I spent some time doing things I have not done in a while. I recorded one of my songs and have been working on the mix. I also got to have fun with some friends and especially my best friend. As I woke this morning, I had an overwhelming sense that things were right with the world. I wanted to write about it, but did not find the correct SEO phrases or the right keywords.

So…

Here is what I want to say.

Life is to be lived. Yeah, I know, that isn’t really profound or anything. You would think someone of my age would have something weightier to say. When you think about it though, live is to be lived, is pretty weighty.

When I think of all the years I spent not living, but existing, well, it can make me depressed if I let it. When I see so many people around me not living, I can’t decide if I want to cry for them or shake them until their brains rattle!

This afternoon, I stopped at a local roadside fruit stand to buy some apples. I do live in upstate NY! The guy who owns the stand came out and started talking to me. In years past, I would have left at my earliest opportunity. I would have found a way to shake him off and leave. Instead, I talked with him. We probably spent fifteen minutes chatting about his farm and how well he does by going to farm markets in the area. It was wonderful!

I mentioned to you that I have been doing my music lately, but it is partly because I have come to the realization that there is music everywhere. There is music in talking to an old farmer, there is music sharing a quiet time with some friends and there is music in loving my love. Life is to be lived and it is easy to do when you hear the music, when you see the beauty in it.

Open the door!

Take and evening or a morning. Do it soon. Do it within the next week. When you take this time, do what you love to do that helps you to relax. For some it might be a cup of coffee or tea. For others it might be a beer or something harder. I don’t want you to get all hyped up or boozed up, I just want you to mellow.

Now, that you are mellow, open you eyes to the good things in your life. I know that it may be hard to find it, but it is there. I know. There is no life so bad that there is no good in it. Open your eyes to this goodness and just enjoy it. So many times we don’t allow ourselves to enjoy. I want you to enjoy whatever it is.

Watch the leaves fall softly to the ground. Watch the water as is runs by in the stream. Watch the birds as they flit around where you are. Smell the air. Feel the breeze. Do whatever you can to become alive in that moment.

Now

Carry it with you back into your life. Don’t leave it there on your deck, in your bed, wherever you were. Take it with you. Take it with you and hold on to it with all your might. Life is to be lived and this will help you live it to your best!

P.S. Want to learn how to live your life? Check out my new ebook “The 7 Universal Laws of Life.”

Change My Life But Nothing Changes

Steve — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 05:07:38 +0000

I read a great article the other day and it really stuck with me. I’ll give you the link in a minute. The article was about how we say we want to change. We go through the motions, but then nothing really changes. We say, “I want to change my life,” but nothing changes.

How many times have you said that you see where some problem is, but then the problem keeps occurring? If you are anything like me, it happens way more than you really want to admit. Why is that?

The problem is that seeing the problem can be easy, knowing what the problem is can be easy, but doing something about it is very hard. We are so programmed to be and do who we have always been and what we have always done that is it a part of us. To change who we really are is hard. Our ego doesn’t like the idea of venturing into unknown territory.

What is it you would like to change? Do you really know what it is? If so, what causes that behavior? Once we get to the place where we understand what needs to change and what causes the behavior, then we can begin to work on making the real change. The net time that situation comes up, instead of acting the way we normally do, we need to change our actions.

Don’t let these recurring behaviors have control. Set your mind to take control from them and live life the way you want. I won’t be easy. As I said before, we are programmed, but unlike some sort of robot, we can change our own programming. It can be done and you can do it!

P.S. The article I read was on the blog Self Help Daily.

Self Pride

Steve — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 18:17:47 +0000

I didn’t run yesterday. My knees were hurting a little and so I didn’t go. As I lay in bed last night I determined that today I would run. The running has really helped my knees grow stronger and I don’t want to back off. I have suffered most of my life with self esteem issues and it is real easy for me to fall back into the mold of thinking I will never accomplish what I want or that I should just give up. Now I realize that a little self pride helps me do the things I want!

The next time you feel like caving in, giving up on some project, or more importantly, yourself, get a little self pride. Don’t allow yourself to fall into some sort of self pity pit. I know it is hard to do, but try to remember that you are worth something. You are not some low life slug that should never have been born. You are a unique and valuable person.

It is so easy to be self defeating and put yourself down. Most of us have been raised with the idea that we should not be prideful. It is true that being self centered and egotistical is not good, but there is a difference between that and having some self pride!

Self pride is not have to be some overblown self absorbed thing. That is taking it too far. What I am talking about is believing in yourself, giving yourself enough worth to keep going in whatever endeavor you are trying to achieve.

I had enough self pride to get out there and go running this morning. I feel much better for it and my self esteem grew a little knowing that I had the strength of character to get out of bed and go.

What do you need to do that a little self pride will give a jump start to?